


Lovesick

by parentaladvisorybullshitcontent



Series: i belong to you alone [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24406426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parentaladvisorybullshitcontent/pseuds/parentaladvisorybullshitcontent
Summary: "This was meant to happen.""You know fate's bullshit, right?" Dan says, but his voice isn't as steady as it was a second ago."Not for us," Phil says.In which it's 2009 and there's Dan, Phil and the Manchester Eye
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: i belong to you alone [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1766479
Comments: 20
Kudos: 145





	Lovesick

**Author's Note:**

> I've always wanted to write a 2009 fic and this just leapt into my head after an evening of watching the gaming channel so......here you go 💖💖💖💖
> 
> As always this wouldn't exist without Andrea, the most wonderful beta 🥺💗💗💗

"I wish we could do what normal people do," Phil says.

  
Dan laughs. It's amazing to Phil, inconceivable, that Dan's just right _there_ , with his soft-looking hair and sweet-smelling aftershave and his dimple, their shoulders and the backs of their hands brushing maddeningly every so often. 

  
"You, normal? Not possible."

  
Phil laughs too, poking Dan in the ribs and leaving his hand there, holding onto his arm. They'd discussed this, vaguely - whether the two of them were ok with touching. Phil felt like he'd been beaming messages out into space, morse code to the stars, _I'm asking you this because I_ like _you_ , but he doesn't know if Dan got it. Despite all the flirting, all the time they spend talking to each other, all the easy compliments, he just doesn't _know_.

  
He feels like he's going crazy. Maybe he wasn't all there to begin with. He just feels - he feels _everything_ , all at once. It's like his brain's full of spider's silk, nothing but softness between his ears and the awareness of Dan. God, the awareness of Dan and his height and the warmth of his arm through his clothes. He feels like his skin's tingling - even now, looking ahead at the couple of people milling around in the queue in front of them, he's aware of Dan in his peripheral vision. Of Dan shaking his hair out of his eyes and looking at him.

  
"Is this, like, they couldn't afford a London Eye," Dan says, eyes sparkling.

  
"Shut up," Phil hisses, but he grins helplessly. "Don't insult the North. They'll, like, catapult you into Birmingham or something."

  
"Who's they? The Northern police?" Dan's smile is so bright and he's so beautiful that it hurts.

  
"Yeah," Phil says, and laughs again when Dan does, feeling lighter than air. "God, stop." Then, because he can't help himself, he squeezes Dan's arm tight and adds, "I can't believe you're here."

  
"Me neither," Dan says. "I can't believe you, like. You saw me and didn't. I dunno. Instantly change your mind. Run for your life."

  
"Shut up," Phil says. "I thought it was _me_ who was blind, not you. You're perfect."

  
It feels stupid to say - it feels like too much, like a line from a movie. It's not something Phil's ever been able to pull off for long periods of time - a smooth, suave persona. He can just about manage it online because there's that degree of separation, that moment of rethinking and redrafting. It never really felt necessary with Dan, somehow. It seemed like they were both on the same page, right from the start.

  
Dan flushes pink and blinks hard and says, "You, you mean. _You're_ perfect."

  
They're interrupted by the tiny queue moving forwards. Phil insists on paying, because of course he does, and the person working at the wheel smiles indulgently at the pair of them bickering. Phil doesn't _care_ \- she could recoil in horror and it wouldn't even touch him. The only thing that can get through the fog in his brain is Dan, Dan and his smile and his festival wristbands and his chapped lips, the way he keeps sneaking looks at Phil like he might disappear in a puff of smoke.

  
When they're climbing the metal stairs to get into their pod, Dan's hand slips into his. They sit down side by side and the door shuts, the pod gliding away, and they're alone. They're _alone_.

  
Dan's fingers are stroking against Phil's, turned into him so their knees are touching, and Phil's heart is beating so fast that he can't breathe.

  
"D'you wanna do the thing?" He says, because when he's nervous he talks. "There's a voiceover thing we can press. _To your right is the Arndale_ , all that shit."

  
"No," Dan says, grinning. "Do you?"

  
"No," Phil says, and laughs. "Sorry, I'm. You're _here_ , and - and it's like I can't _think_. With you here."

  
"I should go home, then," Dan teases, pulling their joined hands close.

  
"Please don't."

  
Dan's thumb strokes across his knuckles, his eyes soft.

  
"I won't," He says. "D'you think they'd let us live in here?"

  
"We just won't leave. Shackle ourselves to something. Like a protest."

  
Dan laughs.

  
"Protesting what?"

  
Phil's tongue feels too big for his mouth. He's too hot - it's like he's running a fever.

  
_Lovesick_ , his brain supplies. He's lovesick.

  
"That you live so far away," He says, his voice coming out all hoarse and stupid sounding. "And - and we can't do normal people things. That's what I meant before. All these people today who, like - get to be _together_ all the time and - and they don't even think twice about it. That should be _us_."

  
"God, I know," Dan says, with feeling. "I saw this couple at the train station last week and - and they were just, like. I dunno. And I hated them just for being together when - when..." He trails off.

  
"When we can't be," Phil finishes, quietly. That's it, then. He can't possibly be misreading, that's - that's _it_.

  
"Yeah," Dan says. He cups their joined hands in his other hand. "You look like you're shitting yourself."

  
He says it quietly, like it's a secret.

  
"I am," Phil admits. "I thought I'd - I'd be all smooth and cool and - and _impressive_ and - and - I dunno."

  
"You're all of those things," Dan says. "You're - _God_. I can't even _look_ at you. I feel like - I feel like it's too good to be true and - and you're just gonna turn around and tell me to fuck off, any minute. Or I'm gonna wake up at home and - and we never messaged and - and you don't even know who I _am_."

  
Phil's shaking his head before Dan even finishes speaking, squeezing his hand tightly.

  
"Never could've happened," He says. He's never been more sure of anything in his life. "Never. This was always gonna happen, this - it was _meant_ to happen."

  
"You know fate's bullshit, right?" Dan says, but his voice isn't as steady as it was a second ago.

  
"Not for us," Phil says. It feels like a line - it feels like the sort of thing he'd say on Skype that'd make Dan roll his eyes or flip him off. Now, Dan just blinks and shuffles closer to him.

  
The world glides by beyond the windows. Phil's sure the view is beautiful out there, but he's never cared about anything less in his life.

  
The view in here is good enough. He thinks he could look at Dan for hours and hours and keep finding new, lovely things about him - little particulars to hoard, like pressing flowers.

  
"Dunno why I'm so scared," He admits, quietly, even though he's pretty sure. If this happens and he loses this – if they take the chance and everything eventually goes sour and they end up strangers again, he doesn't know what he'll do.

  
Dan moves, then. He takes his hand off theirs and lifts it to touch Phil's hair. His fingers tremble in the air before they touch, and Phil feels so much in that moment that he feels like he might die - that his heart might just snuff out like a candle. His eyes flutter closed and he leans into Dan's hand, helpless and wanting.

  
"Don't be scared," Dan says, even though he sounds petrified himself. He moves in even closer, close enough that his breath tickles Phil's lips. "It's just me."


End file.
